In bed with Bertie Bassett

There is groaning emanating from the human. I think she's sick. Whatever it is, my morning constitutional consisted of being punted out in the field at stupid o'clock and my feed being emptied over the gate. That was the last I saw of her.

I have my suspicions. It all stemmed from the purchase of some liquorice allsorts that were meant to be sent to somewhere foreign where they don't get them but they didn't fit in the parcel. Because the human has a similar outlook to food as ME, they didn't stick around too long on the kitchen table but the human obviously has a very delicate constitution as they didn't seem to agree. At all. This is where I did my "prick up ears and look cute" thing as food going spare is always a bonus and I have been reliably informed by Uncle "C" that liquorice is GOOD and YUMMY.

Uncle C is WRONG. Ewwww, yuck, cue running around in circles spitting bits out everywhere. What is IN those things? Actually, looking at the packet, it contains cow. Oooh I feel all peculiar. No wonder the human is poorly although I think it was rather more QUANTITY that did for her...

Now if someone could get her out of bed to get me some nice crunchy carrots.....

The goat ate my homework

The human has got all ambitious. Now ambition is not necessarily a bad thing, but this "ambition" includes yours truly. And yours truly would rather not if its all the same with you.

To make things even worse, its the dreaded D word that even the human finds it hard to say since I scored a 3 for my left canter (should have got at least an 8 for the associated buck) at the last outing.

For some reason the human arrived yesterday brandishing a green bit of paper with lots of instructions on it. This worried me. The previous bits of paper were blue and only had half as much writing on. I was wondering how the human was going to remember all the blurb when she tucked it into her pocket and tacked me up. As usual we went down the road but then took an unexpected detour into the field that me and the lads call "Aintree" for reasons which will become obvious in a sec. The human then proceeded to whip out said green bit of paper and mutter strange incantations such as lengthened canter strides and give and retake reins over x. After a few minutes it became apparent that I was to carry out these instructions in a proper dressage pony type fashion.

*SMIRK*

Put it this way, dressage now includes JUMPIES!!! It was the give and retake the reins that did it. Or rather, the give and DROP the reins. We were out of the field, over the hedge and home before the human even got to the second side of writing.

To top it all, the human said to her friends that she would try again when I was feeling a bit less "fresh" but neglected to notice that the green piece of paper was rapidly disappearing down a hungry goat. 'Nuff said....

Sinbinned

I am in the doghouse. At least I would be if I fitted. I bit the human and as if that wasn't enough, knocked the head off the snowman she had built in my field and helped myself to the snowman's face. Its all down to the weather. You can tell we've had a lot of it because all the humans are bored of talking about it and just go around tutting a lot and feeling under our rugs. And there's more WEATHER to come.

Well I've been stuck indoors due to the fact that all the snow gets stuck in my hooves but the human had a pang of conscience and said I could go out for a roll. So I dutifully had a roll and asked to be let back in. This request was ignored because the human was trying to get in a cat litter tray for something called sledging. So I asked to come in again. This was also ignored as the human had gone through the bottom of said litter tray and sunk in the white stuff (she is even fatter than me). So I gave it one last shot. Nothing. Not even an acknowledgement of my plight. I mean, what else is there to do in a totally ice covered field? Then I spied Mr Frosty, lovingly constructed at the top of my field complete with edible nose. This was a good game and brought the human stomping over to inspect the damage. So I asked to come in again. The human was too busy trying to reconnect Mr Frosty's head so this is when my patience snapped. I learnt a whole new set of WORDS if you get my drift. Blood and everything. But it worked, I got pushed in faster than you can say Elastoplast. Result.

P.S. I am moving AGAIN. Told you.

The more it snows.....

(Tiddley Pom)*, The more it goes (Tiddley Pom), The more it goes (Tiddley Pom), On Snowing.

And nobody knows (Tiddley Pom), How cold my toes (Tiddley Pom), How cold my toes (Tiddley Pom), Are growing.

With apologies to A.A. Milne.

*This is the human. She is strangely cheerful given the current weather. I mean, it was bad enough being put out at the crack of dawn this morning in a light smattering of snow but then she pushed off to work and the heavens opened. So come 3 o'clock there I am looking like Eeyore with a dusting of the white stuff and measuring about 17 hands due to my hooves being filled with snow. So what is there to be cheerful about? I think the human is hoping for a snow day tomorrow so she doesn't have to go to work. I think she'll be lucky.... Also rather embarrassingly, the human set off up my field with a feed sack and proceeded to come down it backwards on her bum. HONESTLY, I can't take her anywhere. I had to hide my face in shame.

Bring on the summer.....