Brown is the new chestnut....

It wasn't my fault. Honest. The human said I needed company today so I could go out with another pony called Chocolate. Well Chocolate was so named because he is of a chocolate hue. So I joined in. I'm not sure how I ended up face down in the bog, I think I was bounced in but the human says it was probably self inflicted. However it happened, I am now brown. All over. Its even in my ears which has made me a bit deaf (pardon?) but at least it drowns out the whinging. I even managed to work a bit of mud in between the rugs which made the human apoplectic with rage. The downside of it was having to have a bath with freezing cold water and then being clothed in all the rubbish rugs that were left because the good ones were all soggy. Bother. So now I look all tatty but at least I am clean. Until tomorrow.....

Tax is more than taxing...

I am worried. The human has come for a cuddle after I have gone to bed which is unheard of. I think she's depressed and its got something to do with the previously unfinished tax return that has now been finished and the fallout has hit. Us ponies (especially the fat ones) don't have to do stuff like that, its all about the next haynet, plod or visit from the Antichrist. I don't even count as an expense which seems a bit odd. I mean, the human is always saying how expensive I am so can't I be offset against the tax bill??? Anyway, the human has sent a grovelling letter to the nice people at the Inland Revenue so we will see what comes of it.

In the meantime, the human has informed me that I may have to move house AGAIN. On the plus side we haven't unpacked from the last move yet and I will get to live WITH the human which means I can grovel for food 24/7. There isn't a bad side now I come to think of it but we are waiting for the current landlord to count ponies and stables to see if there is actually room for us. Will keep you posted, although you may hear the complaints from the human about shifting my wardrobe before I get to the computer.....

Man Flu

I am dying. Its all the human's fault. She decided that I needed the Antichrist himself (otherwise known as vet) to come and stick needles in me so I don't get whatever it is the vaccination is for and now I'm dying. Its proper flu, not just sissy flu, I had a thermometer up my bum and everything *sniff* and I am lying under all my blankets feeling VERY sorry for myself and making the human run around with cold flannels and sponges. *SNIFF* The human says don't be so pathetic, you did this whole shebang last year and you were perfectly alright 24 hours later you wet blanket. Whatever happened to sympathy?

*SNIFF*

Boo hoo

Boo hoo, I am missing my friend. The human has put me in a new house in a howling gale and I haven't got my best mate to hold my hoof in the dark. I trashed my bed in a huff but the human just laughed and swept it all up again, I will have to try harder next time. Mind you, I have all night to work on it. The human tried to wear me out with a 90 minute trot round the lanes but I always have a bit of energy left for mischief!

I have some nice new friends however, once I have been let out to meet them. I am the baby of the stables and I am under strict instructions not to behave like one as the herd elders will not approve. I still think I am the prettiest. The human says I am all beauty and no brains, but secretly I think she knows I am cleverer than her. We will see....

The weather is getting worse, I hope my friends up in Scotland don't get blown away. I am looking forward to the summer when I have grown all my fur back and don't have to wear so many blankets. Brings a new meaning to "clothes horse".

Still no tax return by the way. The human is waiting for a lottery win or someone to abolish the Inland Revenue. Fat chance....

Moving house

Well, the human is packing. Not her stuff you understand but mine as I am moving house this week. I am going to a nice quiet yard near the human's house so she is less cross in the mornings as she can get half an hour more in bed.

There are mutterings, however about the amount of STUFF she is having to pack. A horse has to look good in public, hence the huge wardrobe and associated accessories! And since all my fluff was shaved off (I mean, how RUDE), I am on a 5 rug regime as it is a mite chilly out there. The human has a friend who says I look like a bag lady when my rugs are a bit wonky. I am not speaking to the friend.

Anyway, the human is trying to throw away as many of my possessions as possible, she says I don't need the mouldy old noseband and bald brushes so now the bins are overflowing and the rubbish men will shout at her.

Bet she goes out and buys everything all over again.

P.S Still no tax return. I have bets on with the cat that she will be up at midnight on January 30th weeping copiously.....

Shutting the stable door after the horse has bolted...

Well, honestly.... The stable door WAS shut, its just that after I waggled it a bit, it opened. So then I went out into the yard, turned on a few taps, knocked over the wheelbarrow and was just testing the gate into the wider world when the human turned up and ruined my escape bid. Now I am back in my stable which has been screwed shut.

I have had new shoes today. The human is muttering that SHE doesn't get new shoes every six weeks - in fact, judging by the state of todays footwear, she doesn't even get new shoes every six years. To be honest, after pounding the tarmac in the vain hope of shifting some of my bulk, I had worn my shoes down to the last millimetre. Lazy human just sits on top - THATS why her shoes don't wear out. To celebrate the new shoes I decided to christen them by leaping around in a random fashion causing some rude words from above, heh, heh....

By the way, the human didn't do her tax return last night, she got distracted by ebay. No discipline.....

Blogging Virgin

Ha, well, the human has decided to start one of these things just for me to post my observations, mainly about the serious lack of food in my life but also anything else that tickles my fancy. I am a middle aged (but have episodes of acting like a 2 year old), slightly portly equine who when the inspiration takes me can be found doing "stuff" that might or might not please the human and win a flappy bit of ribbon, but mostly I just eat. And eat. And eat a bit more with a quick snooze in between.....

The human has to do something called a tax return this evening (might get more money for foooood), so I will post back as soon as I can.

The Fat Pony (honestly, could have picked something a bit more flattering. As you acn see though, I did get the joke...)